Espada Commercials
by Purplewolfstar35
Summary: Aizen needs funding for Las Noches, and so he employs the Espada to do TV ads.
1. Chapter 1

Espada TV Commercials

Chapter One: Grimmjow

"Why the fuck am I standing here again," he barked at Aizen. Grimmjow was standing a basketball uniform, on a fake court made out of wood, with Szayel spraying him in the face with water to look like sweat. "Because," Aizen said with that same damn smirk on his face, "we need money. Upkeep of Las Noches…" Grimmjow nodded slowly, it made sense however annoying it was…

Wonderwice crawled up to him, and pulled gently on his pantleg. "Ahh…"

"What do you want, stop making creepy noises!"

"Uuun…" The seemingly stupid Arrancar held up a bottle of the product Grimmjow was modeling. "Propel…?"

"Euunnn…" Grimmjow smacked the bottle away, glaring, "I don't want that shit! Get it away from me!" Tousen frowned from the director's chair, and muttered something about justice biting Grimmjow in the ass one day. Wonderwice's eyes got bigger, and he crawled over to the Propel bottle again, and this time, shoved it through Grimmjow's Hollow hole. "AGH! What the hell!? That's weird as fuck, you creepy little bastard. Waddaya got, some gay fetish?" Wonderwice shook his head slowly, eyes still as large and confused as ever. Tousen was suddenly behind him, ruffling the blonde's hair and murmuring words of praise. Grimmjow was extremely weirded out at this point, and Loli grabbed his arm and dragged him to the makeup table. "Fuck no," he growled. She nodded and clicked her tongue impatiently, shoving him down into a chair next to Ulquiorra. Menoly was hard at work, trying to get his skin color a little darker so he would be able to be seen on camera as more then ghostly pale…

"Is this really necessary," Ulquiorra questioned with a hint of annoyance lacing his voice. Both girls nodded, and grinned evilly. Loli frowned, "I don't think there's much you need done… your hair's wavy enough to make you look gay, you have some freakish blue eyeliner… eh. Get going." He nearly punched her. "YOU dragged ME here, and now you're telling me to leave? I'm not gay, you whore, and what's wrong with my face?"

"Lots of things," she chirped.

"I've smacked you once bitch, and I'll do it again." Loli quieted, she knew he would…

Five minutes later, Aizen was off the set, "smiling" at Grimmjow as if to encourage him. Tousen sat in the director chair with a beret on his head, and Wonderwice next to him drooling. "Uhh… Propel… fit water," he said, bouncing the basketball half heartedly. "Great vitamins… only 30 calories…"

"Cut cut cut," whined Gin, "that ain't right ya know…"

"Waddaya mean," Grimmjow snarled.

"Needs more emotion, more feeling… act like ya enjoy bein' up there, if ya know what I mean." His ever smiling face didn't shift, as he stood near Aizen, leaning against the wall to watch. "Take two," Tousen said calmly. "Ahh.."

"Propel Fit Water. Great vitamins, only 30 calories." Grimmjow flashed a fake, and probably terrifying smile at the camera and Gin left the room. "'Till next time," he said waving his hand.

"…right."


	2. Chapter 2

Espada Commercials

Chapter Two: Gin Takes Control

"Hey, Aizen-sama," Gin said in a amused tone. "I think those Espada need some help, and I have just the thing to do it!" Aizen nodded, as if telling him to continue. "Well, they don't have any talent at speakin', and they look really awkward up there… so… I'm thinking' dance and singin' lessons."

"What… did you just say," Aizen said in disbelief.

"What do you mean," came Tousen's wary voice from the corner.

"Just what I said," Gin chuckled. "May I act as I want to, Aizen-sama?" The fox grin was back and in full force. Aizen's lips curled into an evil, devilish smile and he laughed. "Go ahead… Gin."

"I'm so glad ya approve, Aizen-sama!"

And suddenly he had them all lined up against a long bar, bending at the knees and breathing in time with each other, learning...ballet. Grace was apparently an important part of being on camera, according to Gin, so he had forced each Espada member into a tight leotard and made them work on being better behaved. "That's it, good work y'all. Keep on goin'!" Each dancer, minus Ulquiorra, had an almost identical mask of horror and pain on their faces, whereas Grimmjow's was furious and embarrassed. Ulquiorra looked impassive as always, seemingly not bothered by the ordeal. "How can you stand it, Ulquiorra?" Szayel stood behind him in the line, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes as he whimpered pitifully in response to the activity. "I simply pretend I'm in my happy place."

"Where's that?"

"Away from you."

Nnoitra was having a difficult time with the task, seeing as he refused to take off the large, spoon shaped hood attached to his outfit, so one had to be created for his leotard. It also had a habit of getting in the way, and smacking his nearby companions in the face. He apologized sweetly, but turned quickly to get in another whack, and then chuckled darkly at the thought.

"_How is this helping us again? _**Honestly, I feel as if this is a waste of my time." **Aaroniero, with his two distinct voices, were the only ones to openly voice their protest, as the others were too much in shock to exclaim. "It's makin' ya graceful and thin."

"_**What if we want neither?" **_Gin shrugged and continued reading his book, which basically declared the argument over. Both pickled heads in the jar sighed and continued their warm-up with a dark aura surrounding them. Stark was half asleep where he stood, using the bar as support so as not to fall over while the exercise was going on. "Stark? They need ya on set," Gin grinned even wider at him and clapped him on the back, "make me proud - show us the skills learned here."

"Yes sir," Stark replied quickly and left the room in a determined manner. The rest of the Espada exchanges quick glances, all doubtful, and then laughed. "Good luck to the bastard." Grimmjow mumbled under his breath, still wondering why he was still involved. After all, his commercial was already over with.


End file.
